Throwing stuff

I became aware of a cat sitting by the pond in our garden. He or she was clearly watching the fish as they went past. I decided that he required moving along, so I hatched a half witted plan. The thing to do was to get some wood from the woodpile and throw it. The thing I forgot was that I am the world's worst thrower of anything.
I should have remembered.... There was a works cricket match. I was persuaded to bowl. I think that everyone was in shock when the first ball became embedded in the pitch two yards in front of where I stood, the next went off to the left, then the right. You see, the middle finger of my right hand has a condition known as trigger finger, basically IT decides when to release the ball....
Then there was the kong tree....the tree next to the footpath where we walk the dogs in which a large number of the 'balls on ropes' hung like unusual fruit. Oh! and that occasion when I threw one of the kongs and it went straight up in the air, an inordinately long distance up I have to say, only for me to be struck dumb as the missile decided it would strike a direct hit in the middle of Tim's bald head.
As the piece of wood left my hand it immediately became apparent that the idea of throwing in the direction of the cat was not about to happen, nor was it going anywhere near the pond. It was however making a bee line for the shed, where it punched a neat hole in the window. The loud bang was enough to attract the attention of the cat, which let out a wail and jumped from his perch. By the time he had 'run' the full length of the pond, he was looking slightly bedraggled and covered in pond yuk and duckweed.
If it was your cat, I am sorry for the state it ended up in, but it did brighten up my day!