Showing posts with label big bang. Show all posts
Showing posts with label big bang. Show all posts

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Funeral Expenses


The bloke from Hatchet Insurance Company rang and asked if I had planned for my funeral. Now, I think that he may have just possibly caught me in a less than pliable mood for talking about insurance to cover me for my final demise, particularly since I was in the process of filling my face with a spectacularly delicious evening meal and I think that I may have been a little short with the guy.
      “Oh yes!” I said, “If I have any sort of notice that my funeral is coming, my plan is to eat plenty of beans, as I fully intend to be as much of a nuisance as I can at the funeral parlour, and if I could possibly manage to fart as I disappeared through the curtains at the crematorium, it would lighten up the proceedings and might just possibly make a few of my mourners smile, they might not mind quite as much after all, that they were having to foot the bill to despatch my remains. And finally, it would be nice to go with a bit of a bang!”
            I thought that it was rather rude that he hung up without uttering a single word of reply. 

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Been learning more about the Universe from the Interweb. Did you know it is full of plug holes. On this side of the plug holes, lots of matter swirls round clockwise and gets sucked in and it comes out the other side as don't matter, [stuff we cant see]. Dont worry though cos on the don't matter side there are plug holes where the stuff at that side swirls round anti-clockwise and comes back out this side as matter. When it comes back out, it forms light ears known as Galaxies. Isnt nature brilliant!

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Scientists have discovered many things about the universe, for example it is travelling sideways very fast. We know this because at one end is the final front ear and at this end there is a back ear. In between there are many light ears which can be seen though a powerful telescope. If it ever hits anything there will be a big bang, luckily, being at the back, we will have time to put our government ear plugs in