Farts

You might just find me somewhat crass,
but some time back it came to pass,
I thought I'd light flatulatory gas.

I planned it out - I'd bear my ass,
and with a flick of a match there would be a flash,
there was a crackle as my butt hair, like dried out grass,
went up like a bush fire and fell as ash.

I studied the floor in some dismay,
I got the brush and cleared away,
The truth I would never have to say
For both cheeks I kept the other way.